What's all the buzz about? Have you heard it also? People all over are talking about "choosing a word for the year"? When I (JP) first heard about this, I thought, "hmm - could be interesting - but there are SO many words - how do I choose one?"
I can't quite tell you exactly how it happened, but it was the early morning & I was going through my normal morning routine, when I felt the Lord nudge me. It wasn't uncomfortable. It wasn't even hurtful. In fact, it was so gentle, I almost missed it. I felt the Lord ask me, "Why? Why JP? Wouldn't it be easier if you let me take care of you? Wouldn't it be less exhausting if you didn't have to do all of this on your own? Please let me help you. Fall into my arms. I love you! You will have far more peace & joy than trying to do it all on your own. Surrender."
There it was. Right in front of my face. Everyone falls prey to it but I realized right then: I was running the rat race. My mind is constantly spinning (welcome to the life of an entrepreneur!) & always full of:
- What is happening over there?
- Who has the latest 'fill in the blank'?
- What should I be working on next?
- Oh! You know what would be a great idea? (lists on lists on lists on lists ...)
I had fallen prey to thinking that more is actually good, better, & even best.
Right after this convergence with the Lord, I felt a sense of peace - like a light rain - washing over me. I felt myself, my body, & mind let go of the things that I SO desperately wanted control over. I was too afraid to tell Ryland right away. Instead, I let it sink in for the day. Once the work day was over, I told Ryland how the Lord met me - almost in an "on the road to Damascus" sort of way.
"What do you think He is asking you to let go of, dear?" he asked after I told him my story. (I love it when he calls me "dear"!)
So. Many. Things.
1. The ideal lifestyle
2. The perfect day
3. Always being productive
4. Let go of taking an hour to read a book
5. Financial security
6. What others think of me
8. Social media
9. The number of weddings *I think* we should book this year
10. Children. What about children?
Never in my life have I felt this sense of relief. And maybe you are reading this thinking, "Gee whiz, girl. Get yourself together!". But when you run your own company, when you see the numbers, when you talk yourself to death about your business strategy - no wonder I was so exhausted. I was a walking shell of a person & I knew that I had let my fears rule me instead of the Lord.
I had the privilage of meeting a dear friend for coffee a few days later. Through chokes of tears, I said, "It's so hard being 28! Why does it feel so strange to be in this place?"
"Oh sweet friend. Oh sweet friend!" That's all she had to say.
"Let me help you carry these burdens. Let me please pray with you. Let me tell you how the Lord has ALWAYS provided for me & my family! Let me tell you all the truth & goodness, & beauty that is coming your way. I love you. And the Lord will never leave your side."
There are too many things to list what he wants me to surrender - some of them silly things & others, very serious. But I am so excited for this upcoming year because I know that it will be full of surrendering.
I type before you today - proclaiming His steadfast love. Surrender friends. He is there & delights in catching you as you fall into His arms.